...humaharurot na ang jeep ni juan!

its 2.15 am in the morning yet i dont want to sleep.

my hunger for freedom and time with myself gives me comfort far more than slumber and dreams can offer. i so long for solitude and independence, like a cup of freshly brewed coffee or a hot sweet-scented tea with milk and yosi. or better yet, ngohiong and puso. (damn! now im hungry!)

little things that i dont know, or that i take for granted seemed to be like feathers falling off from my wings, each time making it harder to fly. paired with my pessimism, i might as well cut them off and embrace land. what am i talking about?? *sighs*

i guess its just my way of saying that i miss everyone.
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woohoo i got the whole day off today, no work, no taking orders, or cleaning lobbies or making burgers. just a day for myself, or is it? OR IS IT?????????? waaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! NOT!!!!

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10 reasons why life sucks right now!

1. i can only watch GP rated films or shows, and listen to oldies and gospel music while im in my uncle's household. i misss porn!!!!!
2. i cannot have a dog because people around the house are allergic to dogs.
3. i cannot eat what i want. (why the hell would people ask me 'where to eat' when they only give you two choices- mexican or italian? WHY CANT I HAVE A FREAKIN SUSHI?? or A FREAKIN hotdog? AND WHY CANT I FREAKIN EAT THIS AND THAT?? i am GOING TO DIE ANYWAY. THANK YOU!
4. i cannot drive. and no one would teach me! waaaaa!!! asked my mother and she basically told me to wait like a year. i guess she is afraid that i might drive off somewhere afterwards, which probably IS the exact thing i would do next year. Go to New York! yeehaw!
4.1. found my dream car, pero my mom wouldnt let me buy it. waaaa!
4.2. friends who are younger than me, illegal residents and have no license, have to drive my fat ass around oklahoma.
4.3. LAY DYIP SA OKLAHOMA! saonz!
5. i cant find a copy of the Rebel Priest. hehehe.
5.1. been reading one hundred years of solitude by gabriel garcia marquez pero i cannot seem to finish it... because of #8.
6. my stepdad is Jerry Walker. the biggest, most ugliest baffoon ive ever seen. pasensya na sa akong subjectivism. cant help it.
7. my momma doesnt want to listen to me.
8. my job is excriciatingly demeaning. working so much for so little.
8.1. 4am to 10pm, i miss dreaming and snoring
8.2. refer to #5
9. walay beach sa OKLAHOMA.... ma-buang ko!!!!
10. i miss my friends, ang masa, and especially my rumbar... i misssyahsoooomuch! great BIG HUG to everyone and flying kiss sa akong rumbar

SERVE THE PEOPLE!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
looking for a pic appropriate for my mind today. but cant find one, well i did, i found a dancing bush mini-clip.. pero i cannot seem to attach it. waaaaa!

nagsisigawan ang mga pipi't
nakikinig ang isang bingi
sa chismis ng isang ulol
tungkol sa isang bulag na nakakakita ng kulay pula

'ano ang mukha ng kulay pula?'
tanong ni bingi, sabay halik ng kanyang tenga sa bibig ni bulag.

ang pula ay ang unos na hahampas
sa malapad na bangin
ang pula ay ang yapak ng mga gising sa katotohanan
ang pula ay ang paglalagablab ng puso
para sa matagal ng inaasam-asam na pagbabago
ang pula ay rebolusyon!

nanlisik ang mga mata ni pipi
natahimik si ulol at ang mga bingi
pagkat kanilang nakita
ang pula sa himpapawid
tila alon, humahampas at dumadaloy
sa buong nayon
magbibigay daan sa kinakailangang pagbabago.

wrong box?

amazing story today.

while waiting for my ride, a coworker saw me sitting on a bench and told me that I LOOKED LOST? i was taken aback. i lost count of all the weird questions people asked me since i got here sa land of the free and home of the brave. another was; "Are YOU RONALD McDoNALD?" (and i wasnt even wearing anything red that day!!!!) i know back home nobody would EVER ask me these questions.

i sure miss the familiar ones like "Asa na man ka? Nagmode na sad ka noh?" or "Nahuman na nimo ang article?" or "Is the invyts ready?"; "Natawagan na ba nimo ang speakers?"; "libre ka ugma?" AND OF CHORES, MOSt important sa tanan!! "SAMAN??? GAMAY LANG GUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ito ang tama!!!

hahay. questions.

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been listening to this one song and cannot help but sigh and think of somebody back home singing to me. (rumbar!) it was blessed to hear the voice of somebody who loves you so dearly, that just the mere tones, the simpliest grunts seem like songs of a lovely and determined bird which sang to me every morning outside my bedroom window in Capitol Hills, Cebu not so long ago. i will be home soon enough.

Maybe...
Oh, if I could pray, and I try, dear,
You might come back home, home to me.

Maybe
Whoa, if I could ever hold your little hand
Ooh, you might understand.
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe... yeah

Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, dear,
I guess I might have done something wrong,
Honey, I'd be glad to admit it
Ooh, come on home to me!
Honey, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe... yeah

Well, I know that it just doesn't ever seem to matter, babe,
Ooh, honey, when I go out or what I'm trying to do,
Can't you see I'm still left here
And I'm holding on in needing you

Please, please, please, please,
Oh, won't you reconsider, babe,
Now come on, I said come back,
Won't you come back to me!

Maybe, dear, oh maybe, maybe, maybe,
Let me help you show me how.
Honey, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe,
Maybe, maybe, maybe, yeah,
Maybe, maybe, maybe, yeah.
Ooh!

abeja blanca
white bee

abeja blanca zumbas, ebria de miel, en mi alma
white bee, you buzz in my soul, drunk with honey
y te tuerces en lentas espirales de humo
and your flight winds in slow spirals of smoke

soy el desesperado, la palabra sin ecos
i am the one without hope, the word without echoes
el que lo perdio todo, y el que todo lo tuvo
he who lost everything and he who had everything

ultima amarra, cruje en ti mi ansiedad ultima
last hawser, in your creaks my last longing
en mi tierra desierta eres la ultima rosa
in my barren land you are the final rose

ah silenciosa!
ah you who are silent

cierra tus ojos profundos. alli aletea la noche
let your deep eyes close. there the night flutters.
ah desnuda tu cuerpo de estatua temerosa
ah your body, a frightened statue, naked.

tienes jos profundos donde la noche alea
you have deep eyes in which the night flails.
frescos brazos de flor y regazo de rosa
cool arms of flowers and a lap of rose.

se parecen tus senos a los caracoles blancos.
your breats seem like white snails.
ha venido a dormirse en tu vientre una mariposa de sombra
a butterfky of shadow has come to sleep on your belly.

ah silenciosa!
ah you who are silent!

he aqui la soledad de donde estas ausente.
here is the solitude from which you are absent.
llueve. el viento del mar caza errantes gaviotas.
it is raining. the sea windi is hunting stray gulls.

el agua anda descalza por las calles mojadas.
the water walks barefoot in the wet streets.
de aquel arbol se quejian, como enfermos, las hojas.
from that tree the leaves complain as though they were sick.

abeja blanca, ausente, aun zumbas en mi alma
white bee, even when you are gone you buzz in my soul
revives eb el tiempo, delgada y silenciosa
you live again in time, slender and silent.

ah silenciosa!
ah you who are silent!

started school today. everything feels new. heck my books are new and expensive too! (150 dollars a piece, probably priced per pound coz it aint lightweight, i tell ya!).

went to my human nutrition class at 700am and learned that americans eat an average of 150lbs of sugar each year. *gasps* i just wonder how much my average was. i left the class feeling a wee bit ready to change my diet... from extreme carnivorous to slightly carnivorous and heavy leaning on pesto vegan diet. hehe. if I CAN!!

then at 1000am, went to my intro to psychology class, i must admit, i was very excited, have a lot of friends taking up the course and i so wanted to understand all the people and stuff they were talking about, for one, i wanted to know why a dog, stuck on the 21st floor would not jump from the balcony to the 19th floor where all the scooby snacks were. ?????????? (ask PULAHAN, he knows what i mean.)

and of course, the highlight of my day, POLS 1113-112, AMERICAN GOVERNMENT. i LUSTED, take note, LUSTED gyud! to understand the thing that didnt want to understand anything. *sighs and wipes tears from cheeks* charoot! we start with the American COnstitution next meeting.

our teacher was an ultra-cool guy! he is this funny old man, with origins from the middle east. i know, ironic! a middle eastern man teaching understanding american government and politics. he cracked jokes every once and a while. and was sincere and wise in some of the times too. at one point, he said something that shook me to my very core. "ALways fight for your principles". i was not sure if it was from caffeine in countless gallons of pop that i drank today, or from inhaling too much nicotine from the mini smoking fest outside the building, but i did shake with agitation and had goosebumps all over. havent felt that in a long time. *goosebumps* GND MODE Y'ALL!

on a last note, walang panahon----- FREE ANG INTERNET, at asteeeg ang library!!!!!!!!!! yeeehhaw! (and free popcorn? i feel like im in a movie theatre.)

money. our eternal ball and chain?
for sure its mine. well, the lack of it is.
it just sucked all spontanuity out of my life.