...humaharurot na ang jeep ni juan!

is it me or is it the weather, how come rainy days
conjure in me, thoughts of sadness and missing.

i miss my family, although i should still be mad
at them. (stupid now, "oklahoma" song is playing on the
40's station of XM). i still cant shake the idea
that my mom prematurely uprooted me from cebu which
created a ripple effect on the little lake called my life.
i still am not sure if what i did was a form of
escape because that would be so wrong. it certainly
didnt feel like escaping the day i took that bus to new york.
for me it didnt seem like escaping because i felt
i was making a statement.

i felt like my mom and i have come to the point
where no one is willing to compromise points. its either
you take this road.. or no road at all. thats how we both
wanted it. now, we ended up losing each other.

i miss them truly. my sister, my brother, my mom, and
yes, my dad.

its hard enough that you are alone, it is even
harder when you are considered a non-citizen of the
society you choose to live in. being an outsider entitles
me to a life of exclusivity and exploitation. entitles me
to a life of fear and paranoia, entitles me to a life of
limited choice (if not, non-choice).

im sorry, im just bitter. blame it on the
capitalist holidays.